Things Harry Potter Taught Me 7
by Sinkme
Summary: Broken into two lists in honor of the movies. Part I is 40 points, Part II is 45 points. Some turned into mini-rants and comments about the movie, but whatever. I had a lot of fun writing these and I hope they're fun to read!


What Harry Potter (and the Deathly Hallows Part I) taught me:

1. This book should have had the subtitle: But thank Merlin they remembered to bring Hermione along because she is the only one who did anything useful

2. Everyone got the chills reading Chapter 1. It was pretty badass

3. You should be shocked to learn that your mentor (who was 115 when he died) had a life before you met him and was less than forthcoming about the private details of said life

4. The Dursleys are cold-hearted bastards

5. There is logic behind the general idea of making six other people look like Harry, however, the fact that the idea came from _Mundungus _should probably have prompted a second thought

6. Again, there is _some_ logic to not putting the real Harry with the most competent defender (Moody) or the second most competent defender (Kingsley), but there is absolutely no logic whatsoever in pairing him with _Hagrid_

7. If you are sending the supposed Savior out with someone who didn't finish their third year at Hogwarts and has almost no useful skills, at least have the decency to put him on a broom while the half-giant idiot flies the motorbike by himself

8. Movie: If you can hit an _owl in midair_ with a Killing Curse, you should be able to hit the huge bulky person next to Harry. For that matter, you should be able to hit Harry

9. If you are being chased through the air and happen to recognize one of the people chasing you as an innocent bus driver, it is time to realize that despite the fact that he is probably being coerced or under the Imperius, _he will still try to kill you_ so stop shooting second year spells at him

10. If your friends just went through a life or death situation in which one of them actually died and another had an ear removed, the smartest move is to leave the safe house that they all fought so hard to get you to

11. Mrs. Weasley is very good at kidding herself and ignoring reality. Instead of helping them pack essentials and giving advice, she cuts into their planning by making them clean

12. Apparently the Minister of Magic doesn't have anything better to do than to go around reading wills to people. Must be a full-time job in these dark times

13. If you're having a wedding in which most of the people attending are enemies of the Dark Lord, make sure you have some pretty damn good protections

14. See Number 1

15. Biggest shock of the book was that the trio handled the two Death Eaters on their own. (And considering all that happens in the book, this is _huge_)

16. If your family is going into hiding because your son fulfills a prophecy, be sure to hand over your Invisibility Cloak to your old Headmaster. Because you really won't need it

17. It's a good thing that Harry is the most compassionate person alive and didn't kill Kreacher. That would have really sucked for them after they realized they needed to find the locket…

18. It's nice to know that even in the midst of war, Lupin can be dragged back into the middle of everything to have the biggest bout of OOCness of any character in any series that I have ever read

19. If you have to steal a locket from someone who works at a pretty high position in the Ministry and happens to be out for your blood, be sure to set it up so that you _aren't_ going into the actual Ministry. Kind of a disadvantage

20. If you have a cursed object which holds a portion of the most evil wizard in recent times, _don't wear it around your neck_ (Shameless promotion: see my story 'Well it Worked for Frodo' for more on this point)

21. It should be abundantly clear to everyone by now that Harry has absolutely no idea what he is doing, and has never really planned most of the adventures he found himself on (He frickin woke up on the morning of the Second Task with absolutely no plan as to how to stay under water _for an hour_)

22. If you know a boy who is an orphan it might be a nice sentiment to offer to take him to his parents' graves sometime before he wanders over there by himself as a seventeen year old in the middle of a war

23. Creepiest fucking chapter ever. For the love of Merlin. A snake hiding as an old woman. What the fuck.

24. Apparently snake bites which had previously been poisonous and hard for _practiced mediwizards_ to heal can now be healed by untrained teenagers with dittany. Why didn't St. Mungo's think of that the first time around?

25. Dumbledore is gay? Holy shit. Well at least she broke it to the readers gently in the book. His friend Gellert and the letters they exchanged weren't obvious at all. In the end it doesn't make a huge difference one way or the other, though. He's still an asshole

26. If you're alone in a forest with one wand between two people, make sure to leave your friend alone and defenseless while you chase an unknown Patronus

27. If you've decided that jumping into a lake with literally freezing water is a good idea, warming charms are much too obvious of a solution

28. Movie: Locket scene was well done but the nudity was totally unnecessary. All it did was provoke a bunch of fans to scream out "Harry and Hermione forever!" I did not appreciate it

29. Voldemort was super paranoid despite having _six_ Horcruxes. Aside from each Horcrux having ridiculous amounts of protection, several items had _built in protection_: curse on the ring, memory in the diary, nightmare thing in the locket, poison fangs in Nagini. Holy shit is this guy afraid to die

30. Tiny balls of light are a good way to make pissed off girlfriends (and Harry) tear up

31. If you can Taboo a name and have people show up immediately, why has no one abused this spell before?

32. Luna needs more friends. And a therapist

33. Wizards have gruesome children stories. Although Muggles' aren't much better. So…nevermind

34. If you have a friend who has probably never had children's fairy tales read to him, it might be a good idea to _not_ expose him to the fantastical ideas and scenarios present in them while out hunting Horcruxes

35. When hosting a radio station for those precious few rebelling against a Dark Lord, pick better code names. And consider using a voice scrambler

36. Draco is a confusing guy

37. When holding prisoners during a war, it's not stupid at all to keep them all together in one cell

38. Shout out to anon Ally for this: When a friend is being tortured for information, make sure to shout her name loudly and repeatedly. It won't impart the significance of said friend to you, and it won't make someone's hand accidentally slip when, say, holding a knife to your friend's throat

39. Choked to death by your own hand. Seriously? At that point I won't even give credit to Voldemort for creating the hand. Pettigrew was literally too pathetic for anyone else to take the time to put him out of his misery. But damnit, Lupin deserved his revenge on the bastard!

40. Probably everyone cried when they watched/read Dobby die

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><p>What Harry Potter (and the Deathly Hallows Part II) taught me:<p>

1. Movie: (Ollivander) "He's after you, Mr. Potter" Might have been the absolute dumbest thing ever said by any character. And think of everything Ron's said in just the last two chapters

2. If ever there was a time to lie and cheat and not feel guilty, doing so in order to ensure that the sword of Gryffindor (and the sole way to destroy Horcruxes at the moment) remains in your possession is definitely the appropriate time

3. While you're already masquerading as Voldemort's supposed right hand woman, it might be prudent to toss out a couple of public denouncements of the Dark Lord's recent actions and proclaim your fervent support of Harry Potter. Couldn't hurt at any rate

4. If you're sneaking into one of the most secure places in Britain, it might be a smart idea to pick the brains of two people who might have a lot of knowledge about the bank, aka Griphook and Bill

5. Some kind of Unbreakable Vow couldn't hurt either, if goblins do Unbreakable Vows, that is

6. Griphook sucks. Someone should have explained the purpose of having the sword and assured the little bugger that he could have it _after_ they'd finished with it

7. After so many visions where Voldemort was happy for unknown reasons, it must be nice to know that you're the source of his murderous rage

8. Setting counter-traps at the location of each Horcrux might have been a good idea

9. Aberforth really got the short end of the stick as far as genes go, and Dumbledore was pretty cruel to him

10. If you have a secret passageway into a school run by Death Eaters, it might not be a bad idea to evacuate every single first and second year

11. Or just have everyone live in the Room of Requirement. Just ask for a place that no one else can access, or something along those lines

12. Movie: Apparently portraits age, because that is the only explanation I can think of as to why Ariana (who died when she was about fourteen) looks like she's almost forty

13. Practicing the Cruciatus Curse on first years is pushing it even for Death Eaters

14. Despite having an Invisibility Cloak, Disillusionment charms might be pretty damn useful. Especially when you're in a school full of innocent children run by Death Eaters who will summon the Dark Lord the second they see you

15. Movie: Alan Rickman might be the slowest…talker…ever. I wasn't sure whether to laugh or warn someone to check for a stroke

16. Snape is finally Batman. He flew!

17. We should have seen a death in the Weasley family coming. Aside from the fact that they make up about half of the known fighters in the Order, Percy reunited with his whole family was too good to be true

18. Same for Remus: as Harry's new father-figure (and a father in his own right) it was time for him to kick the bucket

19. Killing Tonks as well was just cruel

20. If it wasn't already the seventh book in a series where events just get progressively more and more unbelievable, I would have a hard time buying the fact that Harry remembers that he saw a tiara on a stone bust in a room literally filled with crap _a year ago_

21. Apparently it is possible for _anyone_ to speak Parseltongue

22. It is totally believable that the troll also known as Crabbe has enough brainpower and magical talent to summon Fiendfyre

23. What kind of heartless person kills a twin? That's just…it's so…there are no words

24. Movie: apparently everyone in the wizarding world is colorblind since everyone and their mother has been commenting on the fact that Harry has his mother's eyes. Let's review: Harry has _blue_ eyes, old Lily has blue/brown/green eyes, young Lily has brown eyes. I'm not seeing the matching _bright green eyes_ that everyone keeps talking about

25. If the Dark Lord has (wrongly) decided that you are the true Master for his wand, it is time to comment that since you are such a valuable little minion, _disarming_ will work the same as killing as far as the wand's loyalty is concerned

26. The deaths in this book that the reader 'witnesses' just get more and more gruesome. Hedwig (Killing Curse/cage and body fell to ground below), Moody (Killing Curse and then fell a thousand feet), Pettigrew (strangled by own hand), Dobby (stabbed), Fred (explosion), Snape (snake attack)

27. If you're watching the memories of your most hated professor in the middle of a huge battle and realize that he was hopelessly and creepily in love with your mother, you are entitled to a moment of shock and revulsion (I love Snape, he's my favorite character, but he has a problem. He kept part of a letter because Lily has _signed it_ with love. Really?)

28. If you're watching the memories of your most hated professor in the middle of a huge battle and realize that Dumbledore was _still _keeping secrets (_huge fucking secrets dealing with your death_), you are entitled to several moments of the following emotions in this order: shock, anger, denial, rage. Feel free to yell at any portraits left behind by old Headmasters who you may be pissed off at

29. Movie: Holy fucking shit. They de-aged Alan Rickman amazingly. Hot damn. I am not the only one who blushed in the movie theater when he came on

30. If you're leaving everyone behind to go be killed by your greatest enemy, it would be a nice gesture to say goodbye to those people who you've been close to for the last six years

31. When reading the book the first time, in my impatience to get to the end and know everything that happened, I missed the one sentence dedicated to Remus' and Tonks' deaths, and was therefore stumped by how Lupin could have appeared as a ghost when Harry used the Resurrection Stone. By the end of his conversation with them, my immediate reaction was "Oh hell no!" And upon finding the part where Lupin and Tonks were "sleeping" I actually threw the book down in anger. My bad.

32. When you're about to die, it's a nice gesture for your dead parents (whom your really don't remember and are starting to associate with Voldemort and death because the only times you see them are when you're in life or death situations) to show up to offer their condolences, but in all reality, it was probably Sirius and Lupin that gave him strength

33. Given the Dark Lord's track record of 'killing things by his own hand' Harry has unbelievable luck that Voldemort actually chose the Killing Curse to kill him with

34. If you're offering yourself up with no fight to your greatest enemy, a bow on your head would probably be appreciated

35. Dumbledore is the biggest asshole in the history of everything

36. It's a nice gesture that Dumbledore is unwilling to have any secrets from Harry now that they're both dead. Really fucking noble of him

37. Movie: when baby Voldemort/Horcrux thing came on screen, everyone thought that anti-abortion people have a new poster to use

38. It is not uncalled for if you want to take a moment to yell at your old Headmaster despite both of you being dead. Just think about how much easier everything could have been if he had told you what the heck you were supposed to be doing and how to do it. You can't cheat in a war and the end result would have been the same

39. Movie: it seems that someone taught Lord Voldemort the joys of sarcasm

40. Not. My. Daughter. You. Bitch!

41. The Sorting Hat should come with a warning: Beware of falling swords

42. It is inconceivable that Harry managed to kill Voldemort by casting a disarming spell. It's actually unfair to everyone else who strapped on a pair and fought like it was a war and not a children's duel

43. Movie: apparently bad guys disintegrate upon death? WTF?

44. Harry, Ron, and Hermione should never be allowed to name _anything_ ever

45. It is doubtful that any of the Trio has anything left to accomplish on their Bucket Lists after this latest adventure

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><p>Huge shout-out to everyone who faithfully readreviewed/favorited these, especially AnnaDruvez and Legolas Thranduilion. You two rock!


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